Do you ever feel like the worst version of yourself? Like every single bad quality you have is being magnified and you are creating this terrible monster, a beast that you yourself are the most afraid of? Welcome to my life as of late. Happy Halloween, I guess.
Don't get me wrong. I am terribly happy. I can't wait to get married. But it's the in between part that seems to be making me crazy. The Hymas house has been an emotional sess pool for the past two months. My brother is getting married 5 weeks before Mike and I, and so its been a bit chaotic to say the least. My poor mother. She deserves a vacation.
What's making me crazy? What's making me so irrational? I ask myself that question every day. I could blame it on the birth control. Maybe my hormones are still adjusting. I have cried more in the past week than I have in the past year. Or the fact that my fiance lives an hour away and we hardly ever get to see each other. Or the fact that we got our engagement pictures back, decided we had to go with another photographer, and lost $500 bucks. Chump change, right? I feel like I'm throwing my parents money away!! Make it stop!
On the bright side. I have started going to Yoga and Pilates classes and taking late night walks. I've stopped listening to the radio and started listening to General Conference in my car to keep me sane. I teach the 5 year old primary class in my ward and they make me laugh so hard. I keep losing weight thanks to stress! I hosted a Princess Tea Party last week with my three best little preschooler girlfriends in the neighborhood- complete with party dresses, cupcakes, and Taylor Swift. I landed a stellar job! With benefits and great pay! YAY!! I get to plan my wedding with the help of my beautiful, talented mother. I bought some adorable boots from Nordstroms last week. My father has turned into an incredible member missionary. I have the love, patience, and support of Mike, even when I'm a little high strung.
I've got a lot to be happy about. I keep praying that the monster will just go away.